My Unusual Journey of Grief

April 11, Three weeks ago my Granny Brewer went home to be with Jesus.  She was ninety-five years old.  I have so many memories of her in my growing up years. She was so funny and she talked alot.  Many of my physical features are from her.  She had the most beautiful white hair that was always fixed just so... I remember traveling in the mountains with her and Papaw. I remember Sunday lunch at her house after chruch. Her green beans were awesome.  When she taught me how to make them I found out why there were so awesome.  She made the best banana pudding. Her merengue was always just right.  Yes back in those days they still put merengue on the pudding.  Her cherry o cream cheese pies.  Were to die for. She was most remembered for her Pound Cake.  Everyone loved her pound cake.  She told everyone you should always have one in the freezer. You just never knew when someone might need one.  

She has been in an Assisted living for several years now.  The first one she moved into was awesome.  I told her if she didn't want to stay there I would.  Over the last two years each time we visited I really believed that it was going to be the last time I saw her.  I called her once in a while at night when I knew she would be in her room.  She didnt want to stay on the phone that long at one time and she probably didn't even remember I called the next day, but for that moment we each enjoyed talking to each other and she knew I loved her and I had not forgotten about her. Last August 2012. We went home to Tennessee and we stopped and stayed a few days in Manchester to visit.  We had a little birthday party for her even tho her birthday wasn't until October.   For the last two years each time I left I thought it would be the last time I saw her.  Until this August.  I am really struggling with her passing.  I have never been one really struggle over it.  I am always sad and grieve but for some reason this time is different.  I realized earlier I still refer to her in the present tense.  I have done that several times since we returned from Manchester.  She had been very ill off and on Since thanksgiving.  I knew she wasnt doing well.  I did not know she was on hospice until we went for the funeral. It just does not seem real to me.  I felt like I had said goodbye several times but this time I dont feel that way.  

They dont make people like her any more.  Times arent like they were then I think I will stop here for toningt I am not sure when I will post this it may take some time.  I think I want to write about some of the things she may have seen during her lifetime.